#literally always talking in the middle of class and doing stupid shit
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drabbles-of-writing · 2 years ago
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Love that Terra clearly had the worst possible understanding of Eda and Raine (thinking they wouldn’t team up to fight her as kids, that Raine wasn’t smart enough to lie through their teeth until the Day of Unity, etc) but even SHE knows damn well those two are absolute fucking losers for each other. Can you imagine how insufferable they had to be off-screen for Terra to openly mock it with zero hesitation. What did she have to bear witness to
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jikigo · 8 months ago
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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kittlyns · 1 year ago
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Just got a check from the IRS that cured my depression
#at least for a month or so 🥹#apparently my taxes got fucked up so they owed me that + interest so girls.... fast food dollar menu is on me tonight ✨️#no but fr I can make a substantial dent in my credit card debt and have a bit left over for savings which is HUGE#since the whole phone incident wiped me out#my mom was saying stupid shit like 'it gets bad before it gets better' but for once she was actually right. even if it's just briefly#I actually cannot stress how much this means to me and I think I might actually cry in a minute#I try not to complain much cuz I know there are so many people worse off than me but it really has been bad lately#and I don't really have anyone to talk to it about irl cuz my family can't help so they'll just feel bad and suggest I work more#and my friends are people who (while I love them dearly) HAVE family who are fully capable of helping them financially without trouble so#they're always like 'just ask ur mom' and I always have to explain that there is literally not a single member of my family who has savings#like I said I do love them but that is the one area that frustrates me the most. they joke about growing up poor when in reality they were#actually middle class and then I was born and raised well under the poverty line and don't remember a time we werent on WIC or food stamps#I'm a little bitter about it. esp because they still rely on family to help and that's never been nor is it going to be an option for me.#but whatever. little rant over. tonight I can go to bed knowing I can cover my bills this month and hopefully next month is better#time for me to go have a cathartic cry.
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inf3ct3dd · 1 year ago
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ellie headcanons pt.5!!!
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warnings: nada
content: loser!ellie x reader headcanons
authors note : ellie dug a hole into my skull and moved in
⁃ against bags for no reason. like her pockets are constantly full of things. random receipts, money, headphones, EVERYTHING. she takes her pants of and they jingle cuz they're filled with COINS.
⁃ knows how to do a back bridge and just HAS to let everyone know. you're watching tv and she's just on the floor like "look"
⁃ i feel like shes the type of person to just start fully eating an orange in the middle of class. like ur listening to the teacher talk and you're just hit by the most aggressive wave of CITRUS from behind you
⁃ constantly fighting the air... like she's just in the kitchen punching and kicking at NOTHING just because. she's always coming up to you and like take punching you and doing her own sound effects like “PWAH PWAH WAM WAPOW"
⁃ jar hoarder 😞😞 every time you buy anything that comes in a jar she's keeping it. literally won't let you throw them away!!! you guys don't even have cups anymore, its just jars and mugs.
⁃ speaking of mugs, ellie has just as many stupid mugs as she does stupid tshirts. absolutely has a lot of garfield mugs be she LOVES GARFEILD
- would buy a dry-erase board for your fridge and leave u little notes and drawings
⁃ "Every single time I see you, I become horny like a triceratops" with a little drawing of a triceratops"
⁃ breaks into incoherent ramblings when shes sleepy... like insane hypotheticals
"what if our bed just completely exploded right now"
⁃ whenever ur on facetime and it gets quiet she just breaks out into song. not even like good, trying singing but BAD SINGING.
⁃ she does that whenever it's quiet !!!
⁃ is listening to music CONSTANTLY. her headphones are actually attached to her ears like all DAY she's listening to something.
⁃ HATES THE BIG LIGHT (iykyk) she lives for low/ natural lighting definitely has so many lamps and led lights
⁃ can never sit normal.... like she is not beating the gay ppl sitting weird allegations she sits so ODD
⁃ will spend literal hours in the pool. doing flips, pretending to be a mermaid, 'making up' her own tricks, she lives for it & !!!
⁃ refuses to dress right for the weather. it'll be like 90° outside and shes in a whole hoodie and jeans.
⁃ has the WEIRDEST subway order. probably puts banana peppers on her shit 😭😭 she swears its the best thing ever
⁃ love's campy comedy movies, esp lesbian ones and horror movies (but im a cheerleader, bottoms, scary movie, etc) also def loves coming of age movies
⁃ has a letterbox account and makes extremely thought provoking reviews
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literally her
⁃ always taking candids of you, and they're literally her favorite pictures
⁃ every time she sees two things next to eachother she's like "oh my god it's literally us!!"
⁃ one time she crashed her car and it literally fully flipped over and she just crawled out of the trunk and called you like "you would NOT believe what just happened to me."
- absolutely a waffles girl she needs the texture she likes the CRUNCH
⁃ but like she also loves bacon pancakes. like she's obsessed w adventure time and she makes bacon pancakes ALL THE TIME and she sings the song while she makes them
- eats trail mix like all day....she buys the giant jars and you make fun of her cuz she "likes eating nuts"
⁃ the most secret swifty ever. like she refuses to let it be known but she fully sobbed when she listened to folklore for the first time
⁃ obsessed w those baby sensory videos. like she will literally be entertained for hours
⁃ LOVES the lego movies, esp lego batman
⁃ the MOST honest shit talker ever like you'll be like "yeah she's just a really bad person" and she'd be like "she's also like disgustingly hideous...
⁃ her search history isn’t even weird or gross its just…random. like she’s definitely googled “how do cotton candy machines work” before
⁃ family guy enjoyer.....
⁃ her cf story is like insanely long n its filled w random memes she reposts and insane ramblings
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taglist!!!! if ur name is crossed i can't tag u :((
@syrenada @dinaissoprettyoml, @kingofmylastkiss @as2rid @greencacty @melissabarrerass @bratydoll @lov3lylotus @forelliesposts @echostinn @f3r4Ifr0gg3r @r3wbeef @leatheredhearts @mousymaven @mina-281@princessguardian444 @calystas-morning-tea @horror-whoree @slutshies @bearieio @mag-mfm @bubs-world @paran0id0blivi0n @sawaagyapong @bbygrIshelbs @gayh0rr0r @p|9ys @ellieslilsIvvt @dollietes @elliesmellsbadd @ibloom4u @ddreabea @beestar120 @brunettedolls-blog @girlwonderchloe @elliesgflol @maris-koffin @emonopolyman @iloveeyousblog @fr3sh-tragedies @ilovaffles @certifedcrybunny @elleatethat @baldph0bic @clouded-whispers @4rt3m1ss @saggykneecaps @swtsuna @ellesslutt @minixmel @yuyans-stuff @owmoiralover @thecowardwrites @lunascerebro @elliestrwbrry @iwantsoda @teeveegirl @dinasmoon @urnewghostfriend @k3ym4ra @bratzboydoll @ungodlyvenus @lav3nd3rhaze @scokslvoer @iloveunrealpeople @realwinehouse @nehemiahlicious @onedeaddreamer @teawithnosugar @r4t1ku5 @villainousbear @mentallymarriedtonatasharomanoff @gay4tiddies @uraesthete @lil-elliesgf @neighborhood-houseplant @sagessensationalstuff
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yuri-is-online · 8 months ago
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I love your one sided Floyd vs Ace thing because Ace is just trying to play wingman from the background so Yuu will stop talking about how Floyd's "Such a sweet boy!", like he didn't just try to take Aces head off during practice. And "He visited my class today" , yeah perfect, Floyd visited him today too. For very differnt reasons though. or "He just helped me dye my hair! Doesn't it look good?". It does but that's besides the point.
Bro Floyd is pining SO HARD rn it's not even funny anymore! He's always lost in fantasies but they're not even the hot kind! No, he's daydreaming about holding Yuus hand and going to that one really cute Cafe in Port city that Yuu always calls a "French Cafe". He doesn't know what the hell a French is but you know what! Calling it that makes you happy so that Cafe is French! He wants that excuse to come find you whenever he wants a nap and fall asleep in your lap as you pet him to sleep, and no one can even say shit about cause like! You'd be together.
But he thinks that Ace is trying to get together with Yuu and that just puts his mood way below the poverty line. HES NOT. HE SWEARS HES NOT. ACE JUST WANTS TO TEASE YUU FOR THEIR STUPID GROSS CRUSH NOT BE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!
AlsoYuuisthepervertintherelationshipthankyouforcomingtomyTEDtalk
ah confused the ducky you. you always see my floyd visions so clearly, i am so happy
I like Ace's relationship with Yuu in pretty much all flavors, when I'm writing floydyuu I think of Ace as the self appointed mom friend/older brother. He likes the feeling of power and responsibility he gets from it since he's used to being the baby of the family. Floyd thinks that little shrimpy is funny and cute at first, someone he could chase around similar to Riddle.
But then they beat Azul. They beat Azul by annoying Sea Lion, who constantly ignores and mocks his attempts to fight him. They got under his skin, that's just on a different level. He's paying close attention now, and he likes what he sees. At first it's exciting, he likes new things and these feelings are certainly new. But it also makes him notice little things. Like how much closer you are to Crabby than you are to him. The jealousy just eats him up because he feels like he shouldn't be? Crabby kind of sucks? He's seen how his color changing magic is, he can't imagine he'd be a better option than him. But shrimpy giggles at his jokes and spends almost all their free time with him. He hates it, and it's starting to effect his... not quite but yeah kind of friendship with Crabby.
Meanwhile Yuu is savoring any sort of contact they can get with him. I love the hair dye suggestion, Floyd says he'll give you one color but really he just wants an excuse to put a streak of teal where his swoop would be on your head. He's too much of a coward to do it, going with whatever you request instead and how happy you are makes it almost worth it until you babble about how you'll have to show your friends how cool it is and what a good job he did. He makes a point of visiting Ace intending to threaten him but he ends up just whining about how he doesn't know how to get through to you, and asking if Ace knows anything about what a "french" is (he thinks it's a dessert) before he lapses into the silence of daydream while Ace wonders if it would be worth it to get Jamil involved.
Yuu gets the perv title for being into a literal fish on top ha of going along with whatever Floyd comes up with. Please do not underestimate his imagination he can be quite filthy when he wants to be, he's just being a good boy and only thinking about extramarital h*nd h*lding for now (•̀⤙•́ )
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whore-era · 2 years ago
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delinquent!ellie williams headcanons 18+
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has the MEANEST MUG FACE at everyone but her close loved ones, especially you. she shows you the softest side to her bc you naturally just draw it out. ellie will literally have the grouchiest face, but once she sees you, it will be all soft heart eyes around you and you only! everyone else though? fuck them. they will get a bitch face and a middle finger thrown their way!
is guilty for always manspreading, but it's okay because it kinda stirs something inside you anyways. you guys will literally be anywhere, and she'll sit with her legs spread with her hands behind her head and you'd find yourself walking over and plopping yourself on her lap.
is extremely territorial and possessive of her girl, but not in a way where she's controlling you by any means. ellie is aware of how gorgeous and sexy her girl is, and while she has no problem with others looking, she draws the line at people approaching you. you would be at a party, talking with your friends, occasionally looking across the room at her. while giving each other loving glances, some guy approaches probably saying "hey girl, you lookin' finnneeee as hell tonight, you wanna get outta here?" and she'll already be behind him, fists balled up and hissing, "get the fuck away from my girlfriend."
would absolutely beat someone's ass for you. if someone is disrespectful to you or looks at you the wrong way or god forbid, lay their hands on you, it's automatically on sight for her. "but you should'a seen the other guy, babe. he's got it worse," she'll say, as you're sat on the sink with her in between your legs, tending to her small cuts and bruises. "what'd i tell you, els? you can't keep getting into these stupid fights because one guy says something dumb about me." "yea, baby, i know. i just hate when people say shit about you," she coos, "you're absolutely fucking amazing, and everyone should know that by now." you both end up kissing in the bathroom and it always ends up with you being bent over the sink taking her strap-
you would CONSTANTLY be on her ass about everything. since she does have a short temper, you always find yourself having to check her and and lecture her a bit, and she lowkey kinda loves it? ellie thinks you're hot as hell taking a little bit of control and telling her what to do, and every time you do have to lecture her, she'll look at you with desire in her eyes and respond with "yes, ma'am", "alright, baby, whatever you say", "mhm yes, baby m'listening" even though she quite literally is hyper-focused on how sexy as fuck you look lecturing her rn.
always putting her hands on you! whether it's rubbing your ass when she's cuddling you, holding your hand when you're out and about, or putting her hands on your hips and waist when she wants to be close to you. 
showing how she feels about you in actions rather than words. ellie has a tough time expressing how she feels for you directly in words, and sometimes her message that she’s trying to send doesn’t always sound…right. so she’ll do little acts of services for you like picking up lunch for you on days when you’re extremely swamped with work and assignments, organizing your books and backpack when you fall asleep on your desk from studying, picking up your favorite snacks when you need a lil cheering up, and helping you take off your clothes when you’re extra exhausted from the day. 
always assuring you’re safe. ellie will always make sure you never have to travel alone and tries to walk you to and from class, but if she’s busy she’ll bug dina to do it. she’ll always ask where you are and who you’re with just to make sure you’re safe and alright, periodically checking in with you with texts (even tho it can be a lil bit annoying but u never say anything bc u know she’s just worried). baby u ok taking the bus alone? yes els i’m fine babe. u sure? i can come get u rn. no my love u don’t need to do that. swear. yk what babe let me ask dina if she can- ellieeee….
a/n this one was rly short my apologies ;P
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oh-meretseger · 9 months ago
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part 7 - Date Me
attack on titan modern college au // Jean Kirstein x fem!reader
notes: fluff (your first date🥹) with a little more dialogue with the others <3, kind of 18+! [a prequel to the smut that comes in the next chapter hehe], explicit language, making out, groping, dry humping
word count: 5,3k
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"Look, I know him. I can see he adores you. You shouldn't worry about it" Sasha glanced up at you for a second, then turned her attention right back at the work she was crocheting, comfortably propped up by a bunch of her fluffy pillows.
"I just— I thought the same when I talked to Marco, but he's been avoiding me like the fucking plague"
"Oh my god, quit being so dramatic" Ymir rolled her eyes with an insufferable agony on her face. She wasn't the most supportive when it came to boy drama, but you still considered her a good friend after this short time you've known her - so when she came over to your dorm on her way to meet up with Historia, you decided to cry out all your pent-up frustration to the girls. "I just saw you two talking after morning class"
"AND he literally agreed to the movie night with us tomorrow, just us three" Sasha added.
"Yeah but— Y'know, I mentioned the night of the party and he instantly changed the subject" you replied quietly as your eyes dropped to your lap. "He doesn't even look at me like it happened, he doesn't joke with me or touch me—"
"What, do you expect him to finger you in front of the whole class?" Sasha frowned, pointing at you with her crochet hook.
"EEWWW" Ymir yelled out, wrinkling her freckled nose in utter disgust, and you shook your head as you tried to bite back your chuckle. You kinda started to regret telling them.
"NO, but— do you understand what I'm saying?"
"No" Ymir bluntly replied as she kept pushing herself off the desk, spinning on Sasha's swivel chair with an ungodly speed.
"I do, but again, I don't think he feels any differently about you" Sasha said without looking up from her work. "Just talk to him, pookie"
"For real. Y'all are like two mentally handicapped middle schoolers" Ymir pulled a face at you, then looked up at the ceiling, opening her arms theatrically. "Just kill them, dear God, don't make them suffer anymore"
"Get lost" you grinned as you grabbed the closest pillow on your bed to toss it right against her head. "You're right though, I should've just initiated... Jean's just always so straightforward, him being so awkward about it catches me off guard"
It's almost been a week since Connie's party and as soon as you ran into Jean on Monday, something instantly felt off. 'Missed my dumb ass?' you asked and he looked away sheepishly 'I don't really miss any body parts', seeming flustered before swiftly changing the subject to civil law (ok, great move, Jean). You had no idea what could be going on, you've never seen Jean being so awkward. Maybe even embarrassed. But why is he embarrassed? Maybe he regrets it..?
Even though you were originally the one to kick against the vulnerable moments happening between you two, you still felt like your subconscious hopes were shattered into pieces.
"Pfft, awkward" Ymir snorted. "I still can't believe the king of arrogance himself is acting sheepish about this shit"
"He's not arrogant" Sasha smirked up at her and you smiled. Kind of the same conversation happened between you when you were the one despising Jean's cocky attitude, just a few months ago. "You just don't know him that well"
Ymir huffed condescendingly.
"Who knows anyway what them stupid men have sloshing around in their ugly skulls" she grimaced as she momentarily stopped spinning, hugging her pulled up knees. "Instead of a brain"
"Jean has a pretty skull though" you pouted, but you knew there was no use arguing. You could point your finger at any man, and Ymir would wrinkle her nose in disgust at every one of them.
"Bruh" Ymir glared at you. "That man looks like a ponderosa pine with limbs, you're a dumbass for crying about him"
"BAHHHAHAHA" laughter bursted out of Sasha uncontrollably, and you stared at her squeezing her eyes, mouth wide open as she screamed hysterically, as if Ymir just dropped the most hilarious joke on planet Earth.
"What on earth is a ponderosa" you gazed blankly, then scoffed at Sasha as she wiped her tears. "And what the hell are you laughing at? A few days ago she told you Niccolo looked like a dumpling with a blonde mop on top of it"
"I like dumplings" Sasha shrugged as her shoulders shook with laughter and a satisfied grin grew on Ymir's face.
"See?" Ymir raised her eyebrow at you, then started pushing herself again to get the swivel chair to reach a space shuttle's centripetal force. "I think you should quit thinking about his praying mantis lookin' ass, like, altogether"
A small chuckle bursted out of you but you tried your best to bite it back, wanting to keep the situation serious, even though Sasha was still wheezing in the background.
"What? He should actually be grateful a girl like you let him touch her princess parts" Ymir sneered at you scornfully. "I mean, I'm not trying to judge your taste in men, but girl—"
"Yeah, I can see that" you grimaced at her. "You're not judging, I'm just naturally attracted to pine trees and you support my fetish"
"Hey, all the way" Ymir started spinning herself the other way. "If that's what you're into"
"Thanks a lot"
"You know I understand you girls, I just don't condone you crying after all these athletes that are gross and stink like a skunk after practice, and act like dickheads after you touch their pickle"
"Fair" Sasha glanced up, and you continued your game trying to hit Ymir in the head with all the pillows and stuffies you could find in the room as she swivelled with the speed of a tumble dryer.
Until Sasha bursted out laughing once again.
"What's so funny?"
"If I told you a few months ago you were gonna be all lovey-dovey about Jean you would've decked me" Sasha chuckled and you felt your stomach flip at her words. Lovey-dovey, huh?
"I'd never deck you, Sasha"
"I would" Ymir chimed in.
"You'd deck anyone" you chuckled, holding your arms up to your head to protect yourself from Ymir's vengeful blow as she launched a pillow back at you with the force of her insane spinning.
"Indeed" she replied, then stopped the swivel chair, finger gunning at you as she got up. "And now if you'll forgive me, I have an angel to meet who absolutely never stinks like a skunk"
"My brother in Christ, only God can forgive you for the shit you've said in this room" Sasha said without looking up and you laughed as Ymir stumbled to the door, obviously feeling dizzy from turning about three million times in the last twenty minutes.
"Tell Hisu we're saying hi!"
"Ight, see ya fools!" the door slammed shut behind Ymir and you looked at Sasha's skilled hands moving for a few silent seconds. Jean filled your mind like a heavy, intoxicating fog at all times, making every single cell in your body tingle with excitement. You wanted more. So much more of him.
"Look!" Sasha jumped to her feet as she finished her work, the crochet hook hanging from the piece of clothing she just made herself. She held the skirt up to her hips as she stood in front of the mirror. "What do you think?"
"It's really cute" you grinned at her reflection. "Colorful and pretty, just like you"
Although your dilemma seemingly dissolved, you still wasn't a hundred percent sure that Sasha was right. Your mind told you to believe her, considering how she was one of the few people who truly knew Jean - but your curiosity still got the best of you. That day, while Sasha went lurking around in the kitchen to watch Niccolo cook, you turned to Connie above your half eaten lunch in the canteen.
"Connie..."
"That's me" he replied, mouth full of food as he glanced at you, earning a quick roll of your eyes.
"Did Jean tell you anything about being mad at me?"
"Nah, why?"
"He's avoiding me" you said as your eyes dropped to your fork, jumbling the food around in your plate.
"He's trying his best not to fuck you, probably" Connie shrugged and you almost choked on your own saliva.
"You mean like— Did he—tell you?" you asked as you felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment. You absolutely didn't calculate on the possibility of Connie knowing all about your naughty business when you opened this topic.
"Tell me what" he furrowed his eyebrows and your heart almost jumped out of your chest. Fuck. You basically just told on yourself.
"Nothing, forget it" you muttered, but looking at Connie's expression, you already knew it was too late. The bright red tint of your face probably told him everything he needed to know.
"NO" Connie slammed his fists on the table, cutlery clattering against your plates with the devastating sound of his realization. You squeezed your eyes.  "Say sike right now"
"Stop"
"You FUCKED?!" he yelled as he stared at you, jaw hanging open in utter shock, and your hands instantly moved to your eyes as a few turning heads around you caught your eye.
"Connie!" you hissed angrily, but there was no amount of sternness that could jolt him out of his shocked state.
"I can't believe that little dipshit didn't tell me" his eyes stared at you widened. "Was it good?"
"What?! No—I mean yeah, but—Connie, no, you don't get it" you stuttered as you tried to calm and collect your thoughts. "I talked to Marco beforehand and—"
"About fucking Jean?"
"No, about us, and how he feels—or, like—how he assumes he feels, and how I feel—"
"Huh?" Connie blinked at you. "Who feels what?"
"HIM. I mean, us both. I don't know what, but— I thought we both felt it, but now I'm not sure anymore and I'm starting to think he just misunderstood him, and all he felt was something temporary and completely different from what I feel" you gabbled in one breath, but looking at Connie's motionless face, you quickly realized it only made sense in your head. "You know?"
"You are on so many drugs" Connie said blankly and you sighed, defeated.
"Nevermind, forget it"
"So... You banged, but it was bad?"
You and Connie gazed at each other for a good few moments before you opened your mouth to reply, still not sure you were talking to an actual cognitive being. "Where's the factory reset button on you?"
He was at least considerate enough to drop the stupid questions when Reiner appeared at your table, grinning and happy to see your now familiar faces, then joined you having lunch - while ditching his teammates at the other table who wore the same varsity jackets as him, seemingly confused as to why Reiner chose to sit with you two randos.
But you didn't mind, moreover, were glad you finally got to talk to him a little more after just a few exchanged sentences at Connie's party. From the outside, Reiner looked exactly like your typical buff, intimidating jock type, but as soon as he spoke to you and Connie with that soft smile, a joyful warmth filled your chest at the realization: he was just a sweetheart in a huge, scary body.
"'Aight, I'll see you guys around" you grabbed your tray as you prepared to leave, but Reiner's hand stopped you in your tracks as it reached for your arm.
"Wait, which way y'going?"
"To the library" you smiled at him and he immediately returned it, a grin plastered on his face as he threw his gym bag over his shoulder.
"You can walk me to my class, then"
"Yeah? Should I drop you off on my way there?" you laughed and Reiner's warm eyes glared into yours as he winked at you.
"I know I'm in safe hands with you"
As you said bye to Connie and you felt Reiner softly place his hand on your waist to guide you to the way out of the canteen, you raised your eyes to suddenly meet a pair of familiarly intense hazel ones. Jean sauntered your way and you muttered a quiet 'hi' as he shook hands with Reiner while passing. His scent hit your nose and you felt dizzy all of a sudden, but he seemed so nonchalant and absolutely not touched by seeing Reiner by your side that you quickly shook the feeling off. He doesn't care.
Oh, but he did, very much so.
He had to force himself to relieve the clench of his jaw to save his teeth from breaking. Why did Reiner touch your waist like that? Who the fuck does he think he is? You barely even know him. And where the fuck are you going with him, just you two? Jean felt his muscles tense up, making great effort not to look back as he walked towards Connie, and away from you.
"What the fuck was that?" a growl bursted out of Jean as soon as he reached Connie's table.
"Dude, how can you fuck it up this bad? You have it so easy" Connie immediately complained in response and Jean sat down with a confused frown.
"What are you talking about?"
"You're all she talked about, she actually went fucking nuts about ten minutes ago—"
"What? Why?" Jean cut him off, the tension of his muscles increasing as he got more impatient.
"She asked me if you were mad at her, and I said no, and she told me you two fucked—" Connie jabbered, but Jean's frustration took over again.
"Okay, she most definitely did not tell you that" he shook his head.
"Whatever, you kept it a secret from me anyway, so I'm quite disappointed in you at the moment, don't cut me off" Connie replied like the assertive gentleman he was. "Anyways, now she thinks you just wanted to get her laid and dip cause you avoid her, or whatever"
"What?! That's stupid" Jean's eyebrows furrowed and he felt his heartbeat intensify. Is that really what you think? The exact opposite was what he was trying to do. After that drunken night, Jean was scared you'll get the wrong impression and think he just wants to fool around. However, after talking to Marco, he was certain in one thing: he didn't want the two of you to stay casual, and he wanted you on the same page as him. "Why the hell would I dip?"
"THAT'S what I'm saying, you have it so easy, man. She's infatuated with you. Don't fuck it up"
"Where did that word come from?" one of Jean's eyebrows raised in suspicion and Connie shrugged.
"I was reading Sasha's magazine in class earlier" he replied and Jean shook his head with a smile. The nervous beating of his heart and the uneasy feeling in his stomach remained - an awful guilt started to twist his mind as he imagined you having these stupid thoughts. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel like he didn't cherish all the intimate moments that'd happened between you like the most precious little treasure in his heart. He wanted more, so much more, but he was so scared of you believing sex was all he wanted from you.
"I don't want to fuck it up, but—" Jean nervously rubbed his temple. "I was thinking earlier—"
"Wow, impressive" Connie said bluntly and Jean's face dropped.
"Shut the fuck up" he growled, then slapped Connie's hand away as he poked his hand.
"You're holding the knife in the wrong hand, by the way"
Jean stared at him for a few moments, contemplating if he should just stab that knife into his own neck.
"I'm left-handed, you fucking dumbass"
You smiled at Reiner one last time before you parted ways in front of his class, then continued your way to the library. Reiner was a sweet guy - he gave you the impression of a seemingly confident, but secretly timid man who mastered the art of flirting, yet still became flustered when the same flirty comments were thrown right back at him. Although they were light-hearted, you didn't take them seriously. He probably flirted like that with most of the girls around campus.
You turned left at the familiar bookshelf, making your way to your favorite quiet corner of the library. Though it looked like the single table there was already occupied. You gazed at the back of the black jacket that had hand-painted lettering on it, dark strands of hair falling to his shoulder and moving with a familiar shine as he turned his head to the sound of your steps.
"Eren" you smiled at him, trying not to spontaneously burst into flames at the intensity of his bright greenish eyes piercing through yours. Eren closed the book in his hand, kindly removing his crossed legs from the other chair and moving over so you could get seated. "What are you reading?"
You grabbed the book handed to you, examining the dark cover of The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe. Your eyes flicking to the other two books lying on the table, you instantly realized Eren didn't pick them for himself - you knew Mikasa was mad about gothic literature. A smile curved your lips at the thought of Eren browsing around for hours, looking for books that'd make Mikasa happy.
How sweet.
"Where did you leave your mullet-man?" Eren asked with a smirk and you lifted your gaze at the metallic sound hitting your ear. A balisong was spinning and turning smoothly between Eren's fingers, the insane speed of his effortless movements catching you off guard. It could've been interpreted as kind of a threat, but you knew Eren.
You didn't expect any less from a man who regularly visited bars around campus to find dudes that harassed vulnerable, drunk girls, and beat those dudes up just for fun.
"I don't have any cash, if you're trying to threaten me" you said and Eren laughed as your eyes were glued to the effortless flicking of his wrist, the butterfly knife swinging around in the air like a toy. "But I—I don't know, his business is not mine"
"Ah, right" Eren all-knowingly smiled as he closed the balisong. "That's why he's followed you here"
"What?" you turned your head to follow Eren's eyes with a confused frown and your heart skipped a beat as you saw Jean's tall frame walking towards you.
"Your business is his, apparently" Eren winked at you and put his knife in his pocket, then grabbed the books as he stood up. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone"
You felt your cheeks heat up at his comment. He knew exactly how to make you flustered in just seconds.
"I know those are for Mikasa, ya big ass lovebird" you said to quickly snap back at him, earning a roll of his eyes and an irritated huff. Eren didn't like you knowing about the existance of his emotions, apparently. It was never fully obvious to you whether him and Mikasa were together or not, but they basically lived their lives attached at the hip, so it wasn't hard to figure.
"Look who decided to finally get into a six foot radius of a book" Eren turned to Jean to greet him with a huge grin.
"What are you doing here?" Jean frowned at Eren. "You're not illiterate anymore?! You could've told us, we would've thrown a party or something"
You chuckled, although you tried to keep it quiet. These stand-offs between Jean and Eren could get brutal and usually, the more you gave voice to your amusement, the more hostile they got.
"There was a party, I just timed it to coincide with the hockey team's twentyseventh lost game of this season, that must be why you missed it" Eren deadpanned. "Sorry"
You bursted out laughing this time, the honest hurt on Jean's face at Eren's stupid remark was just too much to bear.
"Your girl laughs at my jokes harder than yours" Eren grinned, and you immediately blushed at the title. You're not even 'his girl'. Though you weren't so quick to correct him. "Get your shit together, my man"
"Alright Jäger, we get it, your balls finally dropped" Jean sat down next to you as his hand motioned for Eren to go away. "Now walk. And never stop"
"Oof, did someone feed you after midnight, Kirstein?" Eren smiled as he looked to you, then winked at you one more time before turning to leave. "Bye, little birds"
"Bye, Romeo!" you sneered at him and looked at his head shaking as he walked away.
Your eyes darted to Jean as a moment of silence set between you and he felt himself get flustered right away. He felt unbelievably weak for a second as he realized how he always melted under the twinkle in your beautiful big eyes. He liked to think he's got his emotions under control at all times, but the way he became bewitched by how pretty you are every single time told him otherwise. Your soft lips curved into a slight smile, pretty little freckles on your nose moving with the movements of your face, your eyelashes slowly blinking, alluring Jean to breathlessly lose himself in the endless depth of your eyes. He just couldn't not stare.
"You love each other, just admit it" you smirked at him and Jean snapped out of his trance, gritting his teeth.
"He's an idiot"
"Sure" you smiled to yourself, knowing exactly what was actually hidden behind Eren and Jean's whole hating-each-other's-guts facade.
"Hey, I wanted to ask you something—" Jean's eyes dropped to his hands on the table, his fingers nervously fidgeting as he tried to gather all his strength to force the words out. "I just—I don't want you to feel like fooling around is all I'm interested in"
"Is it not?" you cheekily raised an eyebrow as you bit back your smile, secretly loving the way this big and gruffy man got so shy and timid all of a sudden.
"No, it's not. And you know that" Jean replied bluntly as his eyes shot to yours and your heart jumped in your chest at the intense eye contact. He was right, you did. Your eyes flicked to his again as you heard your name roll off his tongue, sounding so beautifully sweet. "I’m taking you out on a date"
"Do I have a say in it?" you chuckled, and although it sounded more like a demand, your heart still started fluttering with pure happiness.
"No" he smirked, his heart unknowingly matching the fluttering of yours as he looked at you smile. "Date me, it's a command"
"Yes, sir!" you nodded. You didn't want to further force a conversation about his exact thoughts and feelings, you just felt happy to see where things were going. "So no fooling around, you said?"
"Uh-uh" he shook his head, then smirked as his eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint. "For now, at least. What do you say?"
"Sounds good" you returned his playful smile. You'll be curious to see how long he'd obey his rule. "Tomorrow night?"
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The key turned in the lock, the door slowly opened and your hand quickly started to fumble around to find the light switch. You walked into the empty dorm as it lit up, then swiftly reached out to your night lamp to switch to that light instead. It was more friendly.
The room was empty, but that didn't take you by surprise. After you and Jean cancelled on you three's movie night, Sasha was more than happy to go home for the weekend instead, leaving the dorm empty for you on accident. She was internally in hysterics as soon as she heard about your little date, but you tried your best to convince her it was just a "casual hangout, nothing special", so she left it to you.
Jean stepped in the dorm after you, closing the door behind him. A comfortable silence filled the room as he shook his jacket off of his shoulders, laying it on Sasha's swivel chair. Warmth spread in your chest as you felt his scent fill your nose, his presence making the butterflies in your stomach flap around in ecstasy.
"Can I use your charger?" he grabbed the cable lying on your bed.
"Sure" you replied as you kicked off your shoes, then watched as he plugged his phone in. The dark band shirt fit loose on his broad shoulders, soft strands of ashy brown hair fell to his neck, and the way the warm light grazed the side profile of his pretty face made you melt.
Jean flopped down on your bed, making you immediately jump to push him off.
"NO!" you pressed your palms on his back as hard as you could, but he just chuckled, not flinching one bit. "Get your outside clothes off my bed!"
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot you're clinically insane"
"Take these off" you tugged on Jean's cargos with a frown. He just sat on the bus with those pants, you couldn't have all the nasty bus-germs all over your clean bed.
"Hey, cool it. I told you, no naughty stuff" he smirked up at you and you chuckled. Right, no naughty stuff. We’ll see.
“Take it off”
Jean felt the blood in his body start to wander to a different place from his brain as memories flooded his mind at hearing your demanding tone. He couldn’t be more confident in his decision to slow things down with you - but he felt his presence of mind fading as your eyes blinked at him with that playful glint.
“Your wish is my command, smartass” Jean kicked off his shoes and you bit down on your lower lip as you watched his hands move to fumble with the buckle of his belt. You felt a familiar heat spread in your core as you looked at him and you hesitated for a moment before reaching for the button of your own jeans.
Neither of you really overdressed for your cute little date. You agreed that a simple milkshake in the café near the campus and a walk in the park would perfectly fit for a first date, eliminating any excessive pressure and frustration of a fancier one. Jean told you to dress ‘sleazy’ and ‘preferably like a homeless person’, so you did just that, you even kinda matched with him in your baggy jeans and big hoodie. Jean secretly hoped it’d be easier to keep his composure this way, but homeless-you mesmerized him just as much as if you dressed up, maybe even a little more. He found your smaller frame in those huge clothes adorable - especially now that he knew what you were hiding under them.
The plan worked, with some of the pressure lifted off, it felt amazing to be in his presence. An unknown kind of happiness filled both of your brains as hours flew by, your conversation only stopping when your eyes sank too deep into each other, erasing all existing thoughts in your hazy minds.
“You won’t make me take a shower this time?” Jean smirked as he pulled his legs out of his cargo pants, then quickly squeezed his eyes shut when his eyes flicked up to you just as your baggy jeans fell to your ankles. He already felt himself getting hard as the soft skin of your beautiful legs caught his eye. Oh, no.
“No, not this time” you smiled, then pulled your hoodie to take it off. Jean sat there spellbound as he watched you lay your clothes on a chair, then put your glasses on the desk, light grazing the round ouline of your ass in your cute little panties, a tight cropped top letting the skin on the curve of your beautiful waist show. He felt the blood rush to his groin and you turned around, your hard nipples of your perfect tits showing through the small top, letting him know you had no bra on all along.
You bit your lower lip as you looked at Jean, his pretty lips parted as he stared at you, a growing bulge in his boxers between his deliciously spread thighs telling you he liked the view just as much as you did.
“This is not a good idea”
“Why? We’re not gonna do anything” you replied softly while you stepped closer to Jean, standing between his legs as he looked up to you with already flushed cheeks. His lashes fluttered as your fingers found their way through his hair. “You said it yourself, right?”
“Right” Jean mumbled as his eyes closed at the heavenly feeling of your touch. His face looked so beautiful like this, him melting between your hands, you just couldn’t help leaning down to press a soft kiss on his lips.
The kiss was sweet and slow, full of tender emotions. Although it still sent a burning heat through both of your cores, this time it also felt so delicately warm and affectionate.
Your lips started moving in perfect sync as you laid down on your bed, hands slowly roaming each other’s bodies, gentle strokes and deep, passionate kisses heating them up. Your sense of time vanished as you made out and the wet noises of your lips filled the room, along with your desperate whimpers and Jean’s quiet groans as your hips slowly rolled into his, one of your legs wrapped around him as you laid on your sides. The wet spot on your panties rubbed on his aching bulge so well, Jean couldn’t help his fingers digging into your hips, driving them to grind into him harder.
“You feel so good, baby” he moaned into your mouth and another whimper fell from yours in response. His warm tongue in your mouth, his strong hands groping you and the friction of grinding on his bulge was enough to already push you to the edge.
“Y—you too, Jean” you moaned back, but neither of you moved your hands to each other’s desperately aching, sensitive parts. Neither of you took it further.
Jean meant what he said - even if you both knew you weren’t going to endure very long, he wanted you to know he’s not there for the fun only. He felt like listening to your laughter and looking into your sparkling eyes above your milkshakes was just as fun as your hands brushing, then gently intertwining while you walked in the park, or as pulling on your hair to leave sloppy kisses all over your neck while you moaned in pleasure.
“D’you wanna stay the night?” you asked quietly as your hands cupped each side of his jaw, admiring the golden glint of his beautiful hazel eyes. “Please”
“Of course” he softly smiled at you.
Jean felt like he was on cloud nine. For him, fun was the way your muffled laughing sounded and how radiant your pretty face looked in the mirror while you both brushed your teeth in the bathroom, or the tingling he felt as your bare skin brushed against each other, and also watching you do your nightly routine before lying down in your bed and having the silliest, most stupid coversations as you laughed together. Fun was also the intense eye contact before tangling into each other again, sloppily making out and grinding heavily until both of your underwear was soaked with the mixture of your wetness and the precum leaking from his sensitive tip.
But the most fun part was hugging you tightly, feeling the warmth of your body and inhaling the sweet scent of your hair as you pressed your ass into Jean’s hard-on before quickly drifting off in the safe embrace of his strong arms. Even like this, he felt so full, so at peace.
Jean couldn’t have been happier.
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bitchy-peachy · 1 month ago
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I don't know whether I should find Trump voters freaking out after learning that Trump doesn't care about him funny or infuriating. It's funny bc literally every reason they had voted for this man was a bold-faced lie and infuriating bc ppl on both sides has be telling them over and over that Trump would fuck America over and now that it's affecting them and their precious gas and egg price, they want to cry about being duped.
I find regretful Trump voters quite pitiful and soulless. Which is quite a lot from me cos when I despise someone to the core I go completely apathetic towards any suffering they may have.
They voted as selfishly as possible. Some didn't even care about the prices or anything, but yes for "sticking it to the libs".
But... While a lot of maga voted for Trump because he openly hates those they hate, there's unfortunately a lot of dumbass people that actually believed he would "unify" America.
(I'm not even joking. I've seen some maga online that are that effing delusional. They really thought they were the "good guys" in voting for the orange skidmark. I swear they need to get slapped for the audacity but I don't want to catch shit from them. )
These are the same people that compared wearing a freaking MASK to slavery so they've always been stupid and also racist af. They blame and project their own mediocrity on minorities and women (even if they're women themselves cos holyshit do maga women hate other women. My own maga mother... Oh she's literally hates everything with a vagina, even animals)
Those voters regretting their vote now... They won't even get the concept of pity from me. (My maga mother and her crying over her VA benefits she voted away lost me forever too.)
They didn't even know what tariffs were ffs. Or that "Obamacare" (a nickname given by republicans themselves, btw 😂) is the ACA they wanted to keep.
They just saw "Obama" in the little nickname and thought "Evil Black Democrat President is robbing us blind. We only want ACA🤬!"
Some are trying to lie to themselves thinking the tariffs will bring back American jobs (😂) and make us buy only "American products" ignoring the fact that our "American products" have imported components that will be affected by these tariffs.
So our "Made in America" shit... Yeah. That's going up.
Oh don't get me started on how more than half of our agriculture is imported and the agriculture that's actually done in our country is done mostly by immigrants that get paid shit wages. (And when Trump deports them all and farmers are forced to hire Americans that couldn't be assed to work a field, the prices will go up for our local agriculture as well)
These morons, we have to call them that, voted for the most epic downward spiral that will tank the American economy for potential decades (not just a few years of "hardship" like that Immigrant-That-Should-Get-Pimp-Smacked-Back-To-Africa Musk claimed.)
Sad thing is that we already had poverty. The middle class no longer exists. It's everyone's poor but with a handful of rich fucks.
And these moronic ass people just freaking put that shit on steroids with their dumb fucking voting.
People tell me I shouldn't insult them so much but shit. They're fucking stupid as hell.
They don't even understand why even relatives and friends don't wanna talk to them anymore 😂.
Oh its not a "difference of opinion". They voted to make us poorer, take rights away from the lgbtqia, women (yes, you miscarry and you can die from it now cos the procedure to remove rotting fetus matter is an abortion which these stupid dumbfuckers are very deaf about.), they voted against ALL POC (including the idiots that voted against themselves. DING DING DING! DENATURALIZATION! America has done it before and Trump will be bringing it back with his fake ass "invasion" emergency to activate the army), they voted against affordable healthcare and therefore fucked over people with preexisting conditions/disabilities etc., they voted against education because republicans need only stupid people to keep them in power.
Heck, they voted against gender affirming care because they think it only affects trans people when there's people with health conditions that require this kind of care (like me. A cis woman that produces too much estrogen that causes me a variety of health problems.)
Red states are behind in everything. Education, health, minimum wages but they're sure winning by being higher in crimes, sex crimes, incest and poverty.
They mooch off blue states taxes. They don't give as much as much back as they take. If it weren't for "demonrats" they'd be completely off the map.
Republican voters like living that way without realizing they could have been so much better.
They keep willingly voting for people that keep them in that life or worse... considering that these elections had very high stakes.
These elections were not like others in the past. He has too much power with the SC, senate and representatives.
Trump voters regretting their votes now should wipe words like freedom and patriot off their vocabulary because they have selfishly and quite stupidly fucked America.
Damn this shit was long, LMFAOOO.
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Note
ok we got more the gang dealing with their each f!greaser crush. Like they all like different girls- but how tf are they with them/about them
Pookie sorry for the wait I was at school!!!
❤️🖤❤️
Ponyboy Curtis
-ok so bro is sooo awkward, most out of the greasers
-he literally doesn’t know how to talk to you
-needs a pep talk and lesson from dally and johnny
-he would be down so bad tho
-struggling in classes? Free tutor!
-he would do little nice things for you though like always keeping a spare sharp pencil in hopes you’ll forget/lose yours to ask him
-memorized your schedule to “randomly” bump into you
-daydreams 24/7
-tells you all about his books and talks about characters that remind him of you
-I feel like when he finally confesses he’d just do it thoughtlessly
-“You know how much I like you?”
-literally out of the blue and then instantly regret it until you grin
-“Ponyboy, you’re so smart. Yet so stupid. I like you too.”
Johnny Cade
-soooocute
-he’s also a daydreamer
-well, more like night dreamer?
-before going to sleep in the lot he thinks about you holding him or just you in general
-so cute tbh
-absolutely a secret keeper no one knows but him
-he blushes whenever you talk to him
-he gets really flustered trying to talk to you
-I feel like he’s the type to do secret admirer
-when he finally gets the guts to ask you out he would 10/10 pass a note
-“I really, really like ya y/n. Do you like me? Y or N (circle one)”
-biggest grin on his face when you pass him back the note circled “Y” with a heart ❤️
Sodapop Curtis
-totally a flirt
-gives you discounts on gas station stuff
-whenever you come to the gas station charm goes up 10000%
-he’s the type to go home and at dinner be like
-“GUYS today she asked me for the TIME!”
-“no way”
-“WAY”
-he’s literally that one audio
-he asks you out straight up and gives you a sweet smile when you say yes
-passes you his number on your receipt/piece of paper to make plans
Darry Curtis
-wouldn’t want his brother around you until it was official
-finds them embarrassing in front of you 💀
-one time you complimented his cologne and he hasn’t stopped wearing it since
-he always tries to look nice for you, I feel like he takes extra care of his appearance
-I feel like he would try to come off cool
-I feel like it would fail so hard lmao
-I feel like after he failed you’d give him a little kiss on the cheek like Darry you big dork
-and he’d grab your hand and look you in the eyes
-“You know, I like you, Y/n. Really like you.”
Dallas Winston
-ok we’ve seen this shit
-cocky bastard 10/10
-he flirts upfront
-hits on you everytime
-also casually so fucking vulgar
“If you ever wanna sit that fine ass on my-“
“DALLY!”
-catcall vibes 💀💀😭
-literally the most obvious guy ever
-I feel like you’d play hard to get
-yk keep his ego checked
-but I feel like you’d need to make it clear you were looking for committed
-and at first, he wouldn’t be into it, but over time realize… he really doesn’t want to break your heart
-when you finally go on a date you end up making out first date 💀👍❤️
Two Bit Mathews
-he does stupid shit to impress you fr
-whatever he thinks you’ll like him to do hes alr on it
-shoplifts stuff for you that he thinks you’ll like
-cracks jokes fr
-he tries to woo you with humor so hard
-it does work
-I feel like he would actually try to tell you he likes you through a joke
-and actually get kinda flustered in anticipation
-“what has two thumbs and likes a cute girl named
y/n? *says quietly* This guy…”
-you giggle and kiss his cheek
-“Me too, dummy. I like you too, two.”
Steve Randle
-he’s definitely more flirty
-he flirts with you fsfs
-I feel like it’s not quite as charming as Soda, not quite as vulgar as Dally
-smack dab in the middle
-fixes your car for you and is always suggesting you come there for free repairs
-TOTALLY not so he can just talk to you and be around you in general
-he would whistle to you tho “lookin good there baby”
-when he finally confesses I feel like he would be a bit nervous and tries to hide it so much he tells you completely stone faced 💀
-“I-Uh… I like you.”
-such a serious voice 💀😭👍
-but he gives you a smile (rare for him) whenever you say that you like him back
-I can’t stress this enough… FREE HANDYMAN!
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arashimitsurugi · 4 months ago
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One shot story cause I'm bored
(Abusive!Dad X Son!Reader)
Platonic ofc. I don't do incest.
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Your dad looked at you in disgust. You being a child means that you would always try to spend some time with your dad. He didn't like that. To him, you were the biggest mistake in his life.
You were conceived in a one night stand. Your dad got drunk, met an attractive woman and did the devil's tango. Unfortunately, they didn't use protection. The woman came to his house one day and threw you in his arms (literally) before walking away. "That piece of shit is your responsibility now, bastard." She spat with venom before leaving.
So now he was stuck with taking care of a stupid child. Despite being 6 years old, you still haven't learned how to talk yet. You would communicate with mumbles and incoherent words. Just hearing your voice makes him want to throw up.
You looked up at him with your big innocent eyes. Oh, how good it would feel to rip them out. "Dada! Up! Up!" You said with that cutely annoying voice of yours. You held your arms up indicating you wanted to be carried by him.
He scoffed. "You wish. I wouldn't even be caught dead being 'touchy' with you. The mere thought makes me go blehhh." He stated with clear disgust in his tone. You didn't understand what he said but judging by the tone of his voice you knew he wasn't happy. But you kept insisting. You mumbled not understandable words and held up your arms again. Your voice was trembling and your bottom lip quivered. Tears threatened to escape your eyes.
He noticed this. A normal father would try to comfort his own son. Especially if he's crying. But not him. He looked even more irritated than he already was. "I swear if you-" He wasn't able to finish his sentence. You started crying. The sound of your wailing was too much for him. He raised his hand and slapped you. This caused you to abruptly stop crying. He never did that before... The pain of his slap caused you to cry even more.
He didn't like that. He grabbed you and brought you to your room before dropping you on the ground. You looked up at him. Fear and uncertainty in your eyes. You couldn't believe what was happening right now. This wasn't the dad you knew...
He pulled out a belt and started whipping you. The sting of the leather on your skin made you scream in pain. He didn't care though. He never cared. An hour passed and he finally stopped. You were covered in bruises and scars. Some of them were even turning into an ugly shade of purple. He clicked his tongue. "That's what you get for being born, brat." He said through gritted teeth before leaving.
You were left laying down on the floor. It hurt. Everything hurt. But you still didn't stay away from him. In fact, you started clinging onto him more. This made him incredibly angry. If you even got a little bit closer to him he would hurt you. Again, and again, and again. He would always have this sadistic smirk on his face too. But you didn't care. If it made him happy, you would gladly accept being hurt in a heartbeat. You just wanted to be closer to your dad and see him happy. Even if it means he would hurt you.
A few years later, you were already in your last year of middle school. You learned that what your dad did was bad so you distanced yourself from him. You still didn't know how to talk so you usually communicate by writing on a piece of paper. You were sad though. Your dad didn't want you. This made you depressed. You were the loner of your class.
But you had one friend. He was something you would call a delinquent. He was in some dangerous gang. But you didn't care. He was the only one who was willing to talk to you after all. One day, he gave you a bottle of sleeping pills. "This will take away all your problems, trust me." He said handing you the bottle. You reluctantly took it from his hand and thanked him.
You started consuming these pills before you went to sleep. You would even take two or more if you felt like it. You got addicted. These pills were hidden inside a box under your bed. You didn't want your dad to know.
A few months passed and your birthday came. Your dad worked overtime, as usual. After overhearing from one of his coworkers that their child committed because they were too busy to care for them, he suddenly remembered the things he's done to you and made him regret it all. It was your birthday. So he thought he would buy you a cake. He thought maybe it wasn't too late to apologize. He was feeling somewhat excited. Maybe your relationship will improve. He vowed that he would be a better father.
Meanwhile you were laying on your bed. The bottle of pills in your hand. You were feeling down in the dumps. It was your birthday but your dad wasn't here to celebrate. You were frustrated. Did he hate you that much...? You took out a few pills and swallowed them in one go. A few minutes later, you started feeling a sharp pain in your body. Your limbs started going numb. You were confused. What the hell is happening? You looked at the bottle before realizing it was empty. You accidentally swallowed all of it without realizing.
Your heart started beating loudly. You were panicking. You weren't sure what was going to happen. You started feeling your body growing weaker. Was this gonna be it? 'Dad...' That was the last word you said before your breathing stopped and your eyes closed. And that was it. Your dad will never be able to apologize. But he didn't know that yet.
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So did you like it? I'm not a native English speaker so please don't mind whatever spelling or grammar mistakes are there (there were probably words I used wrong). Anyways, I hope you like it! This is probably the only thing I'm gonna post here after all.
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reneesghostinthelivingroom · 3 months ago
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Can you do another pam miller x fem reader?? Except maybe this time, in a situation where they aren't friends and are total opposites??
Total Loser
|| Pam Miller x fem!reader
|| Warnings; swearing, murder mentions, reader and Pam don't get along, future changed to where reader and Pam are together instead of Pam and Blake, injured reader, short drabble
|| Summary; reader and Pam have never been known to get along, that starts changing after the death of Tiffany Clark.
Requests open!
Started; october 9th
Finished; october 9th
~~~
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To say you and Pam Miller didn't get along would be the understatement of the century. You don't even remember what started it at this point, but it was just something about her that pissed you off to no end. She felt exactly the same way about you; which meant the rest of the Mollys (Tiffany, Heather and Marisa) also felt that way about you. Gym class was not your saving grace and Coach Zane never did anything to stop it. Because why would she? It was the 80s.
Speaking of gym, you were currently in the middle of an all out dodgeball war. You were on the same team as the new girl, Jamie La Fleur from Prince Edward Island Canada or however it was she introduced herself. You didn't really hear it.
Though that meant the Mollys were on the other team. Shit. They didn't let up either, Pam specifically seemed to be targeting you with her shockingly strong throws. You managed to dodge the majority of it, but by the end both you and the new girl had nose bleeds.
Coach Zane placed her hands on her knees as she looked at the two of you in disgust," hot tip. Next time catch the ball. Then I don't have to touch your gross little kid blood." She then stood and gave a few claps," alright! Good work out there winners, huh? Wish I could say the same for the losers but I can't. Hit the showers, let's go."
"Thank you, Coach Zane." The Mollys said in sync, making you roll your eyes as you held the tissue to your nose. You glanced at the Jamie girl and sighed. At least you weren't the only Pam target this time.
Classes ticked on, you seemed to always have at least one of the Mollys in every single one. There was however one class where none of them were in with you and that was world history. Which was basically your safe haven because of it.
After school, you were at your locker when Pam bumped your shoulder as she walked by." We're having a party and you're not invited, loser!" She rubbed in, making you roll your eyes.
"I don't care about your stupid party, Pam!" You yelled back, which made the Mollys laugh.
You sighed and closed your locker, heading home for the night.
The next school day was insane. Apparently, you'd missed a totally killer party. Literally. Tiffany Clark was murdered in her parents room. Jesus.
It almost made you feel bad for the Mollys, they seemed to be taking it pretty hard.
You found Pam after your morning classes, she was walking talking with the new girl. Jamie.
"Hey, Pam? I'm sorry about Tiffany," your tone was genuine, which Pam noticed. The new girl seemed to eye you suspiciously, you gave her an awkward smile.
"Um... yeah, thanks." She nodded to you, you gave her a nod in return then went on your way.
"Who was that?" Jamie asked, having recognized you from gym. Though she obviously already knew who you were, she was just really trying hard not to show it.
This story goes a little differently. In the future, Blake and Pam do have Jamie together but a few years after they end up getting divorced. Some time after Pam started dating you, you were Jamie's stepmother and she actually liked you quite a lot. So she didn't want to mess anything up in that front. She wanted to come home to you as her stepmother still.
"Y/N L/N, total loser. Though not capable of murder." Pam explained, Jamie nodded. Yeah, she definitely knew you couldn't kill anyone even if you wanted to. But hearing Pam, who absolutely adores you in the future, refer to you as a... total loser, was a little off putting. She wondered how you and her mom managed to get past the high school drama and start dating.
The rest of your day went on pretty uneventfully, though your mind kept going back to Pam. How paranoid she seemed, you really did feel bad and you hoped she'd be okay. Despite everything she's done to you, a small part of you was starting to care. Even if you didn't notice it right away.
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mynameisnotsoda · 1 year ago
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I'm probably gonna be yelling into the void but here's my refs of my favorite burs !!!! I would say bursonas but one of them is literally just my au,,,, can you tell which one it is,,
Anyway here's some hcs and stuff it's gonna be a long post LMAO I'm just copying all this stuff from Instagram cause I practically live on that shit ass app
Simpbur
He LOVES Hatsune Miku.. like LOVE LOVES HER. He owns so much fuckin merch it's actually insane. But he has never once in his life listened to vocaloid and probably never will. Hes just in love with Miku LMAO
He's aromantic bc I said so !!!!! But he doesn't know that, he hasn't really figured it out and he confuses his obsession with love.
Him and Jared actually used to be friends back when they were like middle schoolers. But then Jared got "hot and cool" and he kinda drifted away from Simp. Mostly cause Simp was SO FUCKING JEALOUS!!!!! and it was obvious too. Imagine how devastated he was when egirl started dating his old friend lmaooo what a loser
Him and e-girl started dating when they were 17, both of them were in pretty bad places in their lives so they just,,, clung onto each other. Both of them were codependent but Simp was significantly worse with his codependency. Adrianne (my name for e-girl) was the one who broke it off when they were both in their early 20s
His stupid little cat beanie is his comfort item !!!! He wears it ALL THE TIME and hates having to take it off, although he would never go out in public with it. He's got some issues with presenting the way he wants to in public so he literally just goes out in his work uniform regardless if he's working or not
Grabs him and aggressively shakes him around !!! Hes autistic (I'm autistic I can give him the tism) his special interests are anime and video games :33
He's definitely not cishet but he tries SOOO hard to present as such (shout-out to @starrixle for that hc ive adopted it for my version of simp)
Studentbur
He's bi but heavily in denial like DEEP DEEP in denial
He HATES being tall !!! He wishes he was shorter because his height makes him stand out a lot and that's the LAST thing he wants
He prays literally every night before bed. Mostly asking for forgiveness (which he shouldnt have to ask for) because he thinks he's a horrible person just for being himself
He CLINGS onto Charlie, they're not like super close friends or anything but he LOVES Charlie. He looks up to Charlie a lot and WISHES he had his confidence and sense of self :')
He doesn't like Tommy, he thinks Tommy's too loud and disrespectful and hates how much attention he attracts. So he tends to just avoid him even if they're in the same classes
He absolutely regrets smoking with Bill and Ranboo but he also feels INCREDIBLY GUILTY for wanting to do it again (because he actually had fun and was able to relax for a moment)
He LOVES emo rock, indie, modern rock and other similar genres. His parents are really strict so he has to listen to his music in secret and ALWAYS has his earbuds on him, its a comfort item too. His three favorite bands are MCR, Ghost and Radiohead :]
The only game he was ever allowed to play was and still is Minecraft. He LOVES Minecraft but at the same time he desperately wishes to be able to play other games
He fucking LOVES GOING TO PUBLIC SCHOOL !!!!! he used to be in a Christian school but it gave him so much anxiety he was physically ill every single day and he just couldn't take it anymore!!!! To his surprise his parents actually agreed to let him go to public school during his sophomore year and he's been there ever since (now hes a senior)
Charlie is really his only friend, he's tried talking to other kids but he's horribly awkward and socially inept. Charlie basically adopted him and takes care of him like a brother !!!! Even if they're not super close Charlie's always looking out for him and tries to include him with his friends even tho Stu declines most the time :((
Keith Smith
HIS WIFE LEFT HIM AND TOOK THE KIDS TOO 😭😭😭 he's still trying to find her but he's slowly losing hope and he's really considering just giving up
He's basically the "king" of the end, even though he's not actually the ruler, it was his wife. But since she's GONE he basically had to take her place, until he finds a new wife or convinces her to come back if he ever found her (the end is a matriarchy)
He's kind of insufferable why do you think his wife left him
He has two kids, Lune (pronounced like loon) and Sunny. He LOVES his kids and is actually a really great dad despite being kind of an ass and fucking annoying. He misses them a lot and it breaks his heart that he might not be able to see them ever again
Dr. Malpractice
He's a geneticist specifically experimenting with mob/human hybrids.
His experiments are NOT ETHICAL AT ALL!!! He does whatever tf he wants whenever he wants. His only healthy, surviving test subjects are Phil (enderman), Tommy (spider), Charlie (creeper) and Quackity (duck). (He also experiments on my sona,, that I added for funsies,, but they weren't created by him he just happened to find them one day more on that later)
He's actually trying to make humans more powerful in a way, because they're the weakest humanoid species of them all. He wants to "save" humanity from their own biological inferiority and doesn't care how long it takes or how much damage he causes to others so long as he reaches his goal. Because he's fucking delusional and thinks he's doing something good
He even experimented on his kid, Fundy, and he didn't make it. He has a,,, complicated relationship with what happened to Fundy. On one hand the guilt eats away at him constantly, on the other he brushes it off as just another failed experiment since in the long run,, the ends justify the means in his mind
So far his deceased test subjects include Fundy, Niki, George, and Toby (Tubbo). His only escaped subject was Randy (Ranboo) and he's so fucking paranoid that somehow he'd be able to get the authorities to stop his experiments. But it's been months since Ran escaped and nothing's happened so he isn't AS paranoid anymore, but he still worries about it
He names all the test subjects himself, it's easier for him to remember than numbers because he has dyscalculia funnily enough
All the test subjects were made in his lab with stolen DNA so he didn't have to use his own. He basically grew them in tubes and used a rapid growth serum in the tanks to make everyone adult sized since it was easier to run tests that way. He accidentally left Phil cookin for too long so he's the oldest out of everyone LMAO (except for Dr mal himself, he's 37)
Ok so onto the cringe part !!!! cSoda is a shapeshifter, shapeshifters are VERY rare and often hide themselves because they're very sought after to hunt for sport or used for various reasons. They're basically "born" from the planet itself, they grow in pockets underground for many years and kinda just pop up when they're ready. (Think of like. Steven Universe gems but organic) cSoda is erm undercooked let's say LMAO because they popped up early in their development they're basically defective. They age (albeit slowly), their body scars, they can't regrow limbs properly, their shapeshifting is limited to only animals/people they've SEEN before and they are incredibly naive and have a harder time understanding/learning about the world.
Dr. Mal found cSoda (no idea how yet) and he normally wouldn't have cared but he saw their shapeshifting and immediately decided to "take them in". He takes advantage of their naivety and basically brainwashed them into thinking he cares for them. cSoda presents as a dog (more lore I don't feel like getting into rn) so they have the personality traits of one as well, very loyal and loving and INCREDIBLY affectionate. Which Dr Mal HATES.
If it weren't for the fact that cSoda is more useful to him while alive he probably would've just killed them because he's CONSTANTLY annoyed and irritated by them LMAO he wants to be able to replicate their shapeshifting and hopes that it might be able to help him achieve his goal
c!Wilbur
He fucking LOVES working the burger van with Ranboo, it gives him something to do and he actually enjoys spending time with them even after initially not really liking them. He thinks Ranboo is SO interesting and loves to analyze everything he says and does pFF
HE FUCKING. APOLOGIZED TO TOMMY!!!!! FOR EVERYTHING !!! HE WANTS TO DO AND BE BETTER FOR HIM AND HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP!!!! HE LOVES HIS BROTHER SO MUCH AND IS TRYING TO BE BETTER AT SHOWING THAT RAAHH
He fucking REEKS no matter how much he showers or uses deodorant. It'll help with the intensity of the smell but he just reeks of death bc he was rotting !!!! he also smells like cigarettes and alcohol which does mask the rot and is actually preferable by most people (especially Quackity, who's VERY vocal about how much Wilbur stinks)
Tinybur
He's REALLY clingy, like he NEEDS someone to be holding him at all times. Normally it's Tommy (who's so obviously his favorite even tho he denies it)
It doesn't remember being human for the most part but he does miss it, especially being a normal height
He HATES when people baby him, he's a grown man who just happens to be child sized. If you talk down to him he WILL be an asshole
It was surprised when people started referring to him as an "it" but he kinda liked it !! It doesn't have the same feelings about its gender since becoming a doll and he thinks it's kinda weird but cool at the same time. It really is just vibin
It's voice is high pitched and he kinda hates it, its gotten used to it but it doesnt really like how its voice changed
Animatronic!Wilbur
He's so fucking annoying and is always flirting with parents for whatever reason. He fucking LOVES if they get flustered too it boosts his ego
He's SOO jealous of Ranboo its kind of embarrassing. He thinks he should be the lead singer and mascot but doesn't vocalize it, although he does make it painfully obvious
He's the lead guitarist and back up vocalist in the band (Tommy plays keytar, Ranboo is lead singer and James is the bassist)
He's actually really fucking insecure despite being a fan favorite. One time someone left their phone and it didn't have a password so he was able to use the internet which was. A mistake. He's seen the horrors of the Beloved Ent. Fandom and he thinks people only like him because he was made to be the "attractive one" and not because he actually has anything of substance.
He fucking HATES Schlatt with a passion, so he avoids the bowling alley entirely now. Jimmy (solidarity) used to be the bowling mascot but he was too fragile and a push over with guests so they replaced him with Schlatt. Who's nice enough to guests but does have a bit of a temper and doesn't take ANYONES bullshit. Wilbur was actually really close with Jimmy and he misses him terribly :(
Can you tell who I have more brainrot for LMAO
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spoonsock · 12 days ago
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Gwen Stacy x reader
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Synopsis: You are a little shit head and Gwen doesn’t know how to play block blast lol
Does anyone want a part two bc I am tempted to write it
Today’s challenge for you is trying not to fall asleep in class. It’s really hard since the light is dimmed for the slideshow on the board to be visible and the teacher is droning on and on about something in a monotone voice AND you’re also really really tired. Playing sims 4 at 3 am is not doing you any good, especially not during exam season and you might as well get a degree in procrastinating.
You blink slowly and think about how you can’t wait to get back home and go to sleep.
Looking around the classroom, you try to find something to entertain yourself with. Majority of your classmates is also on the verge of falling asleep. You turn to your right and see a girl with choppy blonde hair seated next to you. She’s on her phone playing block blast and you kinda watch as she loses at 2397 score. And her highest score is literally 3814 so you don’t think before you lean a bit closer to hear and open your stupid ass mouth.
“Bro you suck at block blast.”
You whisper and see her twitch because you probably scared her. She gives you a side eye just to check whether or not you’re talking to her, and seeing as you are like 4 inches away from her shoulder, she turns to you.
“I’m not playing to win, I’m playing cause I’m bored.”
She seems kinda annoyed and honestly you don’t blame her. But you don’t know what to say to that either so you give her a shrug and lean back in your seat.
You don’t speak to her again, but you do see her eyeing you a couple of times til the end of the class.
The day after, you see her again in PE. Actually, you realize, you two have a lot of classes together it’s just that she kinda keeps to herself so that’s why you’ve never noticed her, you guess. When teacher calls out of Gwen Stacy during attendance, that is the first time you hear her name and you do take effort to remember it.
The teacher yells at everyone to run faster and you think you are gonna pass out, when she passes you, running like her seventh lap which you think is insane and she must be some sort of lab freaking experiment because who in the everliving flip runs so much so easily.
The class is put in two teams for basketball and thankfully some of your friends are with you and you ask them to cover for you because you are super bad at basketball (you’re also like genuinely so inactive and take every chance to skip PE you lazy mf). So everyone is running around trying to get the ball and you are stalling behind them while hiding so the teacher can’t see that you’re not participating when someone actually passes you the ball and you fight the urge to just sit down and give up.
Anyway you are frozen and kinda panicking and everyone is looking at you when someone else kicks you with their elbow lightly and takes the ball right out of your hands. That specific someone is Gwen Stacy and she dribbles the ball like a damn pro and jumps like a million feet in the air to get the stupid ball in the hoop or whatever. Everyone goes back to running around and you just kinda stand there looking like you pooped your pants.
Gwen passes you again.
“You suck at basketball,, bro.”
You smile at her and pull out your middle finger and the teacher of course sees you and now you’ve got detention.
You come to a realization that you don’t exactly like Gwen Stacy.
You rant about your two previous interactions to one of your friends who says that they always thought Gwen was kinda weird.
From then on, you do pay attention to Gwen in all the classes you guys have together. She usually pays attention and sometimes she has something really obnoxious to ask the teacher in the middle of class just to show off that she knows more than the rest and that irritates you so bad, especially because her intention probably isn’t to be obnoxious and she’s actually interested in whatever subject she’s talking about.
You find out that she’s also in the school band and that makes sense because she does give off drummer vibes. A video of one of their shows is posted on the school page and it has like 2 views and you watch it so now there’s 3 views but then you watch it like a couple of more times so now there’s 6 views and each time you find yourself focusing on Gwen.
A few weeks later your friends invite you over to make a hear me out cake and you guys are all filming it on tiktok and you pull out a cutout of Spider-Woman and stick it into the front of the cake. The video goes viral on tiktok.
A few days later you get a follow request on instagram from @ gw3n.st4cyy and you’re kind of surprised since you thought she didn’t really like you either, but you accept it anyway.
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fashion-foxy · 2 months ago
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Heyyyyy so you know how in modern Disney channel movies (Im specifically talking about the Zombies and Descendants franchises as those are movies ive seen but I do think some of these traits are in other disney channel movies like Highschool Musical) the bad guys are always loud flamboyant theater kids? And how the good guys are always good morally upstanding people who have either were raised in the American Dream(tm) (nuclear family, upper middle class, perfect grades everything's going great) or live in a poorer situation but are still good people who will eventually get the picture perfect American Dream(tm)?
Yeahhh I hate to say it but that's kinda based off the formula of classic (when i say classic i mean Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty. Not Renaissance era) Disney Princess movies where you have the same villain and hero formula.
Now, why am I treating any of this as a bad thing? Well, that was probably based on how villains were deliberately given queer traits to seem more villainous. You see, back in when Snow White and other classics were being worked on there were codes in place to ban queerness from being shown on film because queer people are the devil and they're gonna corrupt you and your kids if you don't watch out! Or some other stupid homophobic shit like that. So, it being the 30s, naturally, people aren't too keen on the concept of gay people. So, what's an easy way to get people to immediately let your audience know just from looking at them that your villains are evil? Give them stereotypical queer traits, of course!
And it's the exact opposite with Disney heroes! Have princesses be traditionally feminine whatever that time periods version of being a 'good woman' is. Could range from being good at cleaning and never going against authority, and even if she eventually does, make it be in the nicest way possible. Or, have her be a strong and independent woman who doesn't need a man. But, you usually focus on the woman because she's the driving force who goes through all the terrible things, and the men shouldn't be all too present because she either doesn't need a knight in shining armour or he's only there to provide the American Dream Happily Ever After.
Another thing we see in classic is the movie must always return the status quo. We can change some things about the poor area but not change it too much. I.e. we can get rid of the border but not actually do anything to combat classism or help the poor people not be poor. If the our main character is rich they stay in on their side of the border in their rich area. If the main character is poor they get to be honorary rich person but they'll have a plot line where they're not like the other girls and are having a really hard time being rich. This will conclude with them saying something about how, "They're not rich they'll poor at heart!" Which means they'll gonna be rich and wear black and be a bit quirky.
So, in classic movies the heros have a very conservative/heteronormative view of the world and way of life. While the villians possess queer traits and our the ones trying to make any changes to the system. But the thing is, NOTHING has actually changed in these modern Disney channel movies! They still use the same formula! The only difference now is that they get to queer bait audiences now!
Here are some great videos about how the formula of Disney characters has changed over the years. If you want to hear more on this subject:
https://youtu.be/OkadXlv_eA0?si=Z_avjkQKIpxGRyvf
https://youtu.be/HYh4e9u5HuE?si=4eFwcBd-iI-PTq03
Sidenote:
This is also why I love eah so much. Literally subverts the very idea of Disney style fairytales in a brilliant way. I'll never get over the fact that it lost to descendants.
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strxwberrychocolate · 2 years ago
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˗ˏˋ bittersweet ࿐ྂ Fujio and the girl who’s been in love with him since middle school
notes: based off the boy I've loved since 6th grade who I know will never like me back and resembles fujio's personality a little too much. It's going to be 8 years as of 2023 October and I'm still not over him but it's okay, I'm alright with pining. the oc is literally just a self-insert so it's a mirror of myself and this is written in first-pov. long story short, this is my life story put into a short fic
warnings: canon-typical violence, recreational drug use, underage drinking, alcohol abuse, smoking, mentions of abusive relationships, implied physical abuse, mentioned eating issues, weight-related talk, shotgun kisses, blood, mentions of periods, references to depression, victim blaming, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mild gore, this is basically a trauma dump in the form of a fic so plz be aware, not edited
pairing: fujio x oc (one-sided), sachio x oc (one-sided)
word count: 6309
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❝how did love become love?❞
I don’t really remember life before Fujio Hanaoka. But then again, who genuinely remembers life before middle school? I met Fujio in middle school, 6th grade to be exact. Fujio came to my middle school around a month after it started because he was visiting his grandfather in the countryside and his mother decided to prolong their stay. One thing I noticed was that Fujio was popular. Very very popular among all the kids in class. It was then I realized that I was the outsider in this classroom. Everyone had gone to the same elementary school in this classroom and they all already knew each other. But I didn’t feel like an outsider for too long because the teacher had Fujio sit next to me since it was the only empty seat left. I had always been a pretty shy kid so making conversation was always hard but it seems that Fujio knew that so he talked to me first. We talked about the elementary schools we went to, the area we lived in, what we wanted to be when we grew up, and the annoying people in the class. Fujio talked and talked and talked to me and all I did was listen. 
It wasn’t long till I fell in love. 
Fujio knew everything about me. He’d been there at almost every major stage of my life.
Fujio was the one that taught me how to ride a bike, he was the one that listened when I felt insecure about the way I looked, he listened to me talk about my dreams and aspirations, we celebrated when I got her first period with cake(It was more like comforting but it was still a core memory). We’ve been with each other for really most of the important parts of our lives. But I wasn’t his best friend nor was I the one he loved. He loved me but not in the way I wanted him to. 
Middle school ends quicker than I wanted and high school starts. We don’t go to the same high schools but at least it’s in the same area. Fujio goes to Oya High and I go to Meiwa Girls School. It’s like a 5-minute distance from each other. Fujio stays at Oya High for a week until he has to go to the countryside to help his mom take care of his grandfather. I was absolutely devastated but there isn’t anything I could do. I became friends with Tsukasa Takajo during Fujio’s year-long absence. It seemed the blonde boy misses Fujio too. Things happen in SWORD but that isn’t too important. Nothing was really important to me while Fujio was gone. It sounds stupid I know but I was a bit of a hopeless romantic. It was horrible, I know. I waited and waited and waited. 
Things happen during Fujio’s absence other than that whole shit show that is SWORD’s politics. I meet a guy. He’s sweet. He goes to Shutoku Boys High School. We got together too fast. I used to say it was love at first sight. I think I was wrong. No, I definitely was wrong. I don’t really remember how we met— they say the brain blocks out things that were traumatic and too much for it to handle. Was that how it was for me? Things were sweet at first, we’d text and call each other all the time. He was sweet. I think I loved him at one point, at some point. But none of that matters. None of it matters after everything he’d done. We’d talk to each other all the time, eventually, my sleep was gone trying to comfort him about the breakup he had 3 years ago, going out with my friends after school stopped and so did so many other things. I used to really like swimming, I don’t remember the last time I went. I guess I lost all the motivation to do anything. 
I thought it was fine. I thought this was love. I was wrong. 
It was a conversation with Tsukasa I had during my 6th month with him that made me realize what was wrong. “Sweetie, you do know you’re getting abused right?” Tsukasa said with his signature blank face, using the pet name akin to an insult
I laughed awkwardly because I in fact did not know that. It took all night for me to convince Tsukasa not to go beat the shit out of my boyfriend. I think if Tsukasa hadn’t been all burnt out since Fujio’s departure he definitely would have gone to Shutoku and beat the shit out of the guy.
Breaking up with him had been the hardest part. It took 4 months, and 4 tries. Todoroki had been helpful in that. The last try was where Todoroki came in. I won’t go into detail but jealousy and me having to stand my ground was involved. The breakup wasn’t pretty but I was free. Surprisingly I didn’t cry. The breakup happened at 6 am, the morning before a major math test. I’m pretty sure I failed but it was okay, I was free and it was all that mattered. I went to Oya High that day and skipped the rest of my afternoon classes, I wanted to tell Tsukasa and Todoroki about it in person. Turns out, everyone knew about my little problem. Maybe it was because of my very obvious physically deteriorating health and the depression I think I had that made me lose so much motivation that my curly hair was now straight and frizzy. It was nice to have all the support. 
Mostly everyone was supportive and I think I may have talked about it too much, my past relationship I mean. But I just wanted the validation that I wasn’t wrong, that I wasn’t going crazy and all the things he did to me were in fact wrong and disgusting. But some people said it was my fault. Some said I should have left earlier. It made me feel worse. Tsukasa says they’ll never know what I went through unless they’ve experienced the same thing. No one will know about the nights I stayed up crying, not eating and— ah~ I’m rambling again. 
This guy had been a huge factor as to why I changed so much. When I was young, I had issues with eating, I didn’t eat that much and it bothered my mom. But when I did eat she’d encourage me to keep eating so I didn’t fucking die of starvation or something. My ex had been the first to ever tell me to stop eating. I guess it messed me up a lot. Even after I broke up with him, getting back into my usual more healthy habits was hard. Really hard.
My confidence had already been non-existent before but after the breakup, fucking hell I felt terrible. 
It was 3rd year and my grades were horrible, my skin, my teeth, my hair. I just really wasn’t having a good time. I used to drink before. For fun. Now it was just to forget. I wasn’t sad about the breakup itself, I wanted to forget about all that he’d done to me, everything I went through. I was angry. It made me angry that I went through that. How could I let myself go through it? Why didn’t I leave? I think all the anger I was feeling just drowned out all of my sadness. 
I let go of the chance of ever falling in love again. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to feel that way, this way ever again. 
But I guess one part of me knew that if Fujio ever came back and asked for my heart, I’d tear through my skin and muscles and pry open my ribs to give it to him.
❝I’m hiding in the rain, always smiling❞
It was like the universe finally had pity on me and one day finally, Fujio comes back. I see him outside the gates of Meiwa. Girls are staring at him of course, watching from afar, giggling. I don’t blame them. Fujio was handsome. He had a nice smile and nice features. He was really really good-looking, even more than the last time I saw him. “Fujio” I said walking over, a huge smile on my face
Fujio smiles right back at me. “Hey, long time no see! Miss me?”
“Definitely didn’t” That was a lie, I did, I missed him a lot
We stayed out that night, catching up. I patched up Fujio’s knuckles as I usually did and now we were sitting at an empty park just on the border between Oya and Sannoh. We were sitting on the swings, Fujio right next to me. The sun is setting, lighting up our surroundings in a warm orange and pink. Fujio looks pretty. His tanned skin it lit up in gold. He looks gold. For all I know, Fuijo was spun from pure gold thread. “Tsukasa told me about it… You and that guy” He says
I already knew Tsukasa was going to tell him. I was always a bit scared of that, telling Fujio. Would he be one of the people that supported me and comforted me or would he be one of the people that blamed me for what happened? “Yeah…” I say hesitantly “It was… a lot”
I close my eyes silently waiting for some kind of belittlement or blame but instead, I feel someone stand in front of me. “Hey” Fujio says
I open my eyes. He’s standing in front of me looking down at me while I stay sitting on the swing. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself have you?” Fujio asks, hand coming up to take a strand of my hair between my
I flinch. That was a huge mistake. Anger flashes through Fujio’s eyes as does pity. I feel terrible. Fujio looks like he wants to ask me something but he doesn’t. What he does instead is crouch down in front of me. “Hey” He says, his voice is a little quieter now
I’ve never heard his voice sound like that. It’s new and for some weird reason, I feel guilty. Fujio is looking up at me from where he’s crouched down. The swings are pretty low to the ground so he isn’t tilted his head too far back and I’m not tilting my head too far down either. “You didn’t deserve that” Fujio says
He takes my hand. I know this was supposed to be something heartwarming but my heart was just beating so fast and I started imagining us getting married and having kids and having grandkids and— yeah I got carried away. “And I mean it” Fujio continues “I know whatever I say isn’t going to make it better or change anything that happened but you didn’t deserve that no matter what other people have been telling you”
Figures. Fujio knew what people were saying. He always did. “What if they’re right?” I ask
There always has been this voice in my head telling me that what happened was my fault, that I deserved it. I know I didn’t but, your mind tends to be your own enemy. Fujio scoffs. “Be fucking for real! You…” He tugs a little at my hand and takes the other one as well “...You are the nicest person in this shit hole that I know. You’re so nice to everyone, you may not be the smartest and you are a little stupid and slow but… You’re so sweet. Don’t fucking let anyone tell you it was your fault because no one except you knows what happened. Never, never in your life will you ever deserve to be treated like that.”
Not only did it make my heart feel like it was doing an Olympic-level gymnastics routine in my chest but, I think I finally got the validation I needed after everything that happened. Fujio did just call me stupid in the middle of it but that didn’t matter. Not now. “I’m so so proud of you for getting out of that relationship” Fujio’s thumbs rub along my knuckles, I think he felt me shaking “It doesn’t matter how long it took you, it matters that you did it. You’re okay or… You’re going to be okay. I promise I’ll help you and I’ll make sure that fucking piece of shit will never hurt you again”
Finally, finally I was comforted the way I wanted. I finally got to hear everything I wanted someone to tell me in the first place. Being told you weren’t too broken and you could still be healed felt good. 
Hearing it from Fujio was really just a plus point.
❝Eyes meeting but hearts apart, it’s so sweet yet so bitter❞ 
Fujio was… Friendly. He was charismatic and very handsome so of course he’s had a bunch of girlfriends and talking stages and friends with benefits. A lot of girls liked him as well, many asking me to set them up with him. I guess in the end I’ll always be that one rare girl best friend that actually isn’t something to worry about. I’m not too sure how to feel about it. Sometimes it feels like Fujio has kissed everyone but me. Am I jealous? Of course, I am. Even now as he shows me a picture of the new girl he’s dating. “She’s pretty” I gush and nudge him, because if I don’t nudge him I might just kiss him
I think I’m a pretty good actor. I’m good at pretending that my heart isn’t tearing itself to shreds every time he talks about another girl. I should definitely win an Oscar award for these performances. I’ve never tried to make Fujio like me. Because I know he doesn’t and no matter what I do, it is no use. I’m not his type nor the one he will ever love. Love can happen eventually, I know that but Fujio will never love me, I’ve already come to terms with that. But even if I have, that doesn’t mean I’m over him. “You think so?” Fujio says with a grin looking right at me
I nod. It’s really all I can do.  
One thing Fujio likes doing is try to set me up with his friends. Today, it was Sachio. Don’t get me wrong. I like Sachio, but not the same way he likes me. 
Sometimes I think my unrequited feelings for Fujio is just karma for all of Fujio’s friends I have rejected. 
Fujio tells me Sachio really likes me. I think at one point I did like Sachio. He’s sweet. Really nice and respectful and would definitely be a better boyfriend than Fujio ever would be. But maybe it’s just me holding on so tightly to my first love, only ever having my eyes on Fujio that I’m not ever able to look at anyone else. I want to. I really do. But at the end of the day I always come back to him. I don’t expect for Fujio to return my feelings I just… I don’t know. 
Maybe one day I’ll get over Fujio, move on. But I don’t think so it’ll happen soon. 
I hope it does. Soon I mean. 
Because my hands are starting to burn from the rope called first love I’ve been holding on so tight to. 
❝Ruinous imagination consumes me, makes me dream sweeter dreams❞ 
“You really wanna meet Sachio?” Fujio asks me
“I’ve already met him Fujio” I tell him
Sachio was nice. I wasn’t over Fujio but I could stay stuck up on him either. It wasn’t healthy and I knew it. I should get over it, I should try. Not only to get over Fujio but also what my asshole ex did to me. Fujio aside, I was tired of feeling so angry all the time. I didn’t tell anyone that I felt angry rather than sad. What if I tell them and everyone that was supportive of me starts calling me crazy too, or stop supporting me through it? I think my emotions were always something I kept to myself. I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. It didn’t matter to me who stopped supporting me just not Fujio, never Fujio. I might actually go crazy if he does. Honestly speaking, I think I already am crazy. I won’t be surprised if I go for some psychiatric test and the results come out with a diagnosis telling me I’m crazy. After everything that’s happened paired with my weird dependency on Fujio, I think I am crazy. “Yeah but, no you know he likes you” Fujio says “Are you gonna give him a chance”
We’re inside a convenience store. Fujio wanted to get something to drink. He’s standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what he wants while I’m standing in front of one of the glass doors of the fridge staring at my favourite drink. I want it. But I don’t really have the energy to bring my arm up and open the glass door. It’s weird. I don’t have the motivation to even do the things I like. I want to stop feeling like this. I thought being here with Fujio would distract me from the feeling but I guess not. I thought my heart was only filled with Fujio but that void after my breakup is getting bigger and it hurts. “Maybe…” I say, staring at my blurry reflection in the glass
I look tired. I’ve always had eyebags due to having low iron and a shitty sleep schedule but now they were darker. My skin thankfully looks the same and isn’t dull. I think I should thank myself for being so strict about my skincare routine and eating habits. But the glow in my skin doesn’t matter when the look in my eyes just shows how fucking exhausted I am. It’s not really my eyes that I’m worried about. It’s my hair. I’ve always loved my hair. Everyone has. It was curly and long and Fujio really liked it. It wasn’t curly-curly with ringlets but more wavy-curly. Now it was kinda straight and a little frizzy at the ends. Oh. It feels like I was seeing my own reflection after years. I look like this? This is what Sachio likes? I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ugly in my life. To make things even worse, there’s an annoying pain in lower belly. I’m on my fucking period. “...Hello?” Fujio nudges me
I look at him then look away. I can feel Fujio looking at me. I want him to stop. I feel gross. Fujio opens the door and I watch him take the drink I was staring at. “You were just staring at it” Fujio says
Before I could tell him I don’t want it, Fujio’s already heading for the counter and he pays. Oh. I think I’m going crazy. “Come on” Fujio calls
I follow his words and go outside. Fujio’s already sitting outside the convenience store on the curb. I sit down next to him. “You didn’t have to get that for me” I say
Fujio shakes his head. “You were just staring at it… So I got it for you” He says and opens up the drink before handing it to me
I take it. “Why were you staring at it?” He asks
I know I shouldn’t be admitting it out loud, but I tell him anyways. “I don’t know… I wanted to get it but like… I don’t know. It felt like too much work”
Had I been making any other expression, Fujio would have laughed at me and called me lazy. But no. Instead he gives me a sad look. “You’re fucking depressed” he says
Wow. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. “H-huh?”
“Don’t h-huh me!” He says, mimicking my words
Fujio grabs the drink he just gave me and aggressively puts the cap back on. “You need help” He grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me “Why didn’t you tell me before”
I feel weirdly ashamed right now. Tears well up in my eyes. “I told you that I’m here for you. If you’re feeling like fucking shit then you should tell me” Fujio says
He takes his hands off my shoulders and now he’s holding my face. Something wet touches my cheek and Fujio’s eyes soften. Oh. I’m crying. This was more embarrassing than it needed to be. “You don’t need to pretend to be happy or a certain way around me. I’ve already seen you being weird and fucking embarrassing! So please” Fujio says, his thumbs wiping away the tears running down my cheeks “Please just tell me what you feel. Tell me when you don’t feel okay, tell me when you’re sad, tell me if someone is hurting you, tell me if you’re scared. Just tell me”
I’m shaking. Fujio just keeps telling me everything is okay, that he’ll make everything okay. It’s unrealistic for him to say so, even I know that but any kind of comfort, even the unrealistic kind sounds nice when you’re hurting. “I promise… I promise, everything will be okay” He tells me and presses his forehead against mine
I guess there was a reason I was never able to fall out of love with Fujio. When he does things like this, how could I ever get over him?
❝I close my eyes but thoughts of you bring turmoil to my nights❞ 
“Has anyone ever told you how obvious you are?” Tsukasa says to me
I stare at him in confusion. We were on the top of the temple. Yes, the temple whose stairs Fujio falls down on a daily basis. We were meeting his new girlfriend. This sounds horrible but I’ve already forgotten her name. “Huh? Obvious about what?” I ask
Tsukasa nudges me. “You like him”
My hands tremble. I didn’t expect him to say that. “What? No” I deny it immediately 
The blonde boy next to me on the bench only laughs. “You think I’m an idiot? You’re really really obvious. You like him, everyone knows”
Um. What? Tsukasa sees my reaction and sighs. I’m not sure what face I’m making but I think it might be the same one where Tsukasa told me I was getting abused. Fun right? “No one has told Fujio about it but he does know”
This just keeps getting even worse. “What?”
I want Tsukasa to stop talking. I don’t want to hear anymore but I have to. “Fujio knows you like him. He’s known all along. But Fujio also knows you’ll never confess to him because you know he doesn’t like you back. That’s why he keeps you here with him unlike the other girls who have confessed and then got rejected” Tsukasa explains
I’m not to sure how to feel about this. I look over toward Fujio. He’s with his girlfriend further away. It looks like she’s arguing with him but he’s only smiling. I watch him reach over and he grabs her waist. Instantly she stops and her cheeks flush red. Or I think they do. I can’t really see far away and I don’t want to wear my glasses. You know anxiety and stuff. Seeing the world clear just doesn’t help and I think the 480-720-pixel resolution that is my eyesight really helps with calming my nerves. But right now it feels like I can see everything clearly. Fujio’s lovestruck look, his girlfriend’s shy smile. I can see it all. I wish I couldn’t. “He… Knows?”
“I won’t tell him that I told you. But yeah he does know. That’s why he’s always been trying to set you up with someone else because Fujio thinks you don’t deserve him”
I frown and look away from the two lovebirds. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Tsukasa scoffs. “Oh please, we all know how much of a shitty boyfriend Fujio would be. I’m his best friend, I know. Fujio is to friendly and you’re still healing…” Tsukasa tells me “But okay, let’s say all that with that motherfucker from Shutoku didn’t happen. Being with him would make you so fucking insecure. He’s talking to new girls every day. He’s so fucking affectionate with everyone, you’d be wondering if he was cheating every other day”
Tsukasa was right. I knew he was. I thought about this before. Fujio wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. If there was ever a day that he maybe did like me back, it would be painful being with him. But still, I was still so fucking in love with him. I hated myself for it. “I know” I mutter quietly “I just can’t get over him”
Tsukasa next to me sighs and he rests a hand on my shoulder, lightly squeezing. “Try talking to Sachio more. I know him, we all do. Sachio’s nice. I’m telling you to use Sachio to get over that idiot over there but… Maybe you should try looking for other guys. You’re not gonna get over Fujio without actually looking” He tells me
He was right. Ugh fuck. Maybe I should talk to Sachio. 
Why not?
❝Don’t wanna let go so I let go❞
Today was one of the rare days I was wearing my glasses. Fujio insisted on some bonding time with resulted in Sachio Ueda, Yuken Odajima, Tsukasa and Fujio’s girlfriend and me going to the movies. Now Fujio and I were waiting outside the bathrooms on the bench, waiting for all of them. I had sat next to Sachio during the movie, sharing popcorn with him. Fujio told he didn’t tell Sachio that I know he likes me. I guess now that I do know, things are pretty clear. I don’t know why I haven’t noticed it before. Maybe it was because I was too focused on Fujio. “Why does he like me?” I ask Fujio “I’m not pretty or like… Smart. There isn’t really any redeeming quality about me”
Fujio is fiddling with the movie tickets, his and his girlfriend’s. He looks at me, giving me a weird look. “You don’t think you’re pretty?”
I push my glasses up my nose and shake my head. “No. I’m not. I mean come on Fujio, look at me” I tell him
I guess I’ve always been pretty insecure about myself growing up. Especially when middle school started. My parents and relatives have always told me I’m pretty, backstabbing cousins and aunts say things to me out of apparent jealously. I pretended to think I was pretty when I was at home. I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell my mother how I actually felt about myself when she was always so proud of the way I looked, that I was so pretty. I think it would break her if I told her I hated myself— that I hated my face, my body, my own skin. I could never tell her. It was with my friends I could really spill out all my feelings. “Yeah I am” Fujio says “You’re not ugly”
I roll my eyes. “Uh-huh”
Fujio nudges me in the ribs. “I mean it. You’re definitely not ugly”
He leans over and brings his hand up. He’s so so close to me right now, I can feel his breath, see every pore and blemish on his skin— he’s still so beautiful. Fujio pulls my glasses off my face. I have told him many times not to do that. Taking my glasses off for me always felt so unnecessarily sexual. I didn’t tell Fujio it was like that though so he still continued doing it whenever I wore them anyways. “You’re very pretty, that’s one of the reasons Sachio likes you. But Sachio aside, you’re not at all ugly. You’re pretty” Fujio tells me and his other hand brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear “I’d never be friends with an ugly person”
My cheeks are no doubt red. But I play it off by punching his arm. “Fuck off” I mutter “Let me wallow in my misery in peace”
Fujio laughs softly. I want to kiss him so bad. “You are stupid though” he says
I hit him again and suppress the urge to kiss him. Fujio isn’t mine so I can’t kiss him. 
❝will our eyes ever meet each others again?❞
I often wonder what kind of a person I would have been if I never met Fujio, if I hadn’t fallen in love with him. It sounds like a nightmare. I can’t imagine my life without Fujio. Maybe I’m just that much in love with him. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Sometimes I wish I was in love with Sachio instead. But now, sometimes has turned into an almost every day wishing as I watch Fujio and his girlfriend play around in the park while I sit alone on the bench. It’s 12:30 am. I should be going home. I’m not even allowed to be staying out this late. But I haven’t gotten any calls from my mom, maybe she’s already asleep. I say and lean back into the bench. There is something painful watching the person you love fall in love and be in love with someone else. Even more painful watching them receive it back. “Hey” Sachio sits down next to me
I look at him and smile. After the movies Yuken insisted on going to get some stuff because he hadn’t smoked in so long. Stuff meaning weed and next to me Sachio is smoking some as well, the spliff between his fingers as he leans back against the bench next to me. Yuken and Tsukasa are off to the side talking quietly amongst themselves while smoking and Fujio’s still with his girlfriend, pushing her on the swings. “You feeling okay?” Sachio asks me, taking a drag before slowly exhaling “I heard about what happened with the guy”
Sachio has always been the kind of guy everyone went to when they had some kind of problem. He was nice and gave really good advice. “Yeah… I mean… It’s taking a lot longer than I expected for things to get better” I say quietly
I started taking a lot of painkillers after my breakup, not just alcohol. Thankfully Fujio seemed to catch on and stopped before things could get serious but I still feel like absolute shit during random times of the day. “Well you can’t expect to get better overnight. Your relationship was 9 months… That’s a long time. So you can take your time getting better too” Sachio says
I turn my attention to his lips, watching them wrap around the spliff and slowly exhale. Sachio sees and grins. That’s kinda hot. “Wanna try?” He asks
I stare for a moment at the drug wrapped in brown paper. “I don’t know how”
Sachio’s red-rimmed eyes are saying so much but so little at the same time. I don’t know what he’s thinking. But whatever he is thinking is making him hesitant to do whatever he wants to do next. It’s a short moment before he speaks again. “Come closer” he says
I obey without thinking, the sides of our thighs pressing together. Sachio takes my glasses off my face. Haha fuck. He brings the spliff up to his lips and then pauses, still looking a little hesitant. “Inhale okay” he says before taking a drag
Sachio leans over and I don’t move. He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He leans in closer, closer, closer. I can see his pore, the blemish, the moles, I can see all his skin up close. I think he’s going to kiss me but Sachio hasn’t closed his eyes. I realize he hasn’t exhaled yet so I have an idea of what he’s doing. Sachio’s lips press to mine but not to kiss. Well kind of. He exhales smoke into my mouth and I inhale. His lips feel soft. It feels nice. Sachio pulls away not too long after but I can still feel his lips on mine. I exhale, coughing a little bit. My throat burns but it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be. “Didn’t know you knew how to do that” Sachio says with a little laugh
My face is probably red right now. “Uh… I saw Odajima teach a girl how some weeks ago” I mutter
Sachio laughs. “Of course you did” he says
He’s smiling hard. I wonder why he he likes me. I wish he didn’t. Sachio shows me how to properly smoke after that. He doesn’t let me smoke to much though. It’s not too bad but he says he knew I probably didn’t each much so I shouldn’t else I’d feel nauseous. It feels weird being high. I’ve drank but smoking was a new territory for me. I feel a little lazy. But not the bad kind. This doesn’t feel too bad. I have a feeling I’ll get an earful from Fujio later, he’s been giving me looks. Fujio doesn’t smoke, Tsukasa does. Tsukasa gets scolded by Fujio on a daily basis when he comes back smelling like weed. I probably won’t do this again. I look at Sachio who’s already looking at me. Maybe it’s the weed that is making me lose lipped but the next words leave my mouth like vomit. “Why do you like me?” I ask and regret it immediately
Sachio smiles. “Why? Do I need an exact reason?” He asks
Something twists in my chest. It hurts. I don’t want him to like me. Not because I like Fujio, but because I don’t deserve to be liked by someone as nice as him. I’m a horrible person. “You deserve someone better,” I tell him “I’m not fishing for compliments here but I’m not exactly the most extraordinary”
Sachio sighs. The spliff is finished and now all we’re left with is uncomfortable questions. Thank god I’m high or I probably would have ran into the middle of the street and got myself hit by a bus on purpose. “I don’t care if you’re not anything extraordinary” He tells me shaking his head “I like you and you don’t get to decide who I deserve… That’s for me to decide”
I want to cry. I want to so badly feel better again or maybe at least get over Fujio. “But I… I’m not okay. I probably won’t be for a while. And no matter how hard I try I… I don’t want you to wait for me forever Sachio. What if I can’t ever fall in love again?” I tell him, almost whispering at the end
Sachio turns his entire body and is facing me. “I don’t mind waiting” He says with a smile “But me and my feelings aside, you can take as long as you want to feel better. It doesn’t matter who’s waiting for you. Me or Fujio or anyone. You need to feel better for yourself”
I fumble with my hands while staring right into his eyes. Does being high make you emotional? I don’t know. But fuck I felt like crying. “How do I know if I’m better… It feels like I never will” 
Sachio is smiling so softly at me. It makes my heart hurt. His hand comes up and he takes a stand of my hair between his fingers. “Your hair. Maybe when your hair is back to how it used to be is when you’ll be better” He tells me
It’s 1 am. I should be at home. But here I am, with Sachio— the boy that loves me the way I wished Fujio loved me. I wish I loved him back. There are so many things I want to ask Sachio right now but I don’t. How do you get over someone who was never yours, to begin with? Who do you blame when you’ve broken your own heart? I don’t say anything but Sachio keeps talking. “I’m not forcing you to love—like me back… Right now I’m just telling you to take your time and maybe love yourself first” He says
Stop loving him goes unsaid but I know he wanted to say it. At that moment in Sachio’s eyes I see something of myself. He looks at me the same way I look at Fujio. It hurts. I wonder if this hurts him as much as it hurts me. But here’s the thing, I could get over Fujio and maybe I could even one day love Sachio back. But I’d never be able to forget the feeling of hurt nor the thought that I may only be loving Sachio back because I don’t want him to feel the same way I feel right now. I look toward Fujio who’s wrapping his girlfriend up in his arms and kissing her forehead. It feels like pieces of glass are tearing into my heart. 
Had someone told me being in with would be so painful I would have never fallen for Fujio in the first place. I look at Sachio and feel almost a little better. 
Does he wish I get over Fujio?
Does he pray at night for me to love him back?
I’m not sure I want to know. Maybe my problem is that I love Fujio way more than I love myself. Maybe the day I start loving myself again will be the day I get over Fujio. Sachio’s hand comes up and he brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. 
It’s 1:35 am, I’m supposed to be at home sleeping but instead here I am; high in front of a boy that doesn’t love me back and sitting next to one that does. I feel ungrateful and cruel.
I hope I never break Sachio's heart like I broke my own.
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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months ago
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Hey cas i just wanted to rant about this teacher i have lol
Okay so she's my english teacher and she's like really rude and also bad at teaching? Like she called a girl the r word in the middle of class in front of the whole class. (I wasn't there but ik someone who was) and she also like told this guy he was being fucking ridiculous and needed to get his shit together (those exact words, she said fuck and shit). She says we ask stupid questions and act like we're stupid first graders when we get confused or don't know how to answer questions. She went on this rant about how she doesn't have to be nice to us because she doesn't have to be friends with 9th graders? Like that doesn't mean she can be a bitch?
She also expects us to be in class like 3 minutes early, sat down with our notebooks (OPEN god forbid someone doesn't have their notebook open), laptops out but NOT open, pencil, and book. But still doesn't let us even pack up until she says we can leave which is alway after class is over. One time she held us back so long afterclass that multiple people missed the bus and had to take the later bus home.
This one time she asked me a question and i said i don't know (and elaborated why i was confused) and she was like no you can't sat i don't know in my class you have to THINK and then asked me the question again. So i thought for like 30 seconds (genuinely thought) and she was like you need to answer the question when i ask you
Also, this one is really weird. So we're reading this book "the best we could do" by thi bui are you familiar? If you are, you probably know it's a bit weird at times and a bit uncomfortable to talk about in class. There was this one line in it about how her parents had their first child less than 9 months after they married (We were doing partner work, and each had a different panel tell the class about). This guy asked a question about it and she was like "they had SEX before they were married, it's not that hard to understand" very loudly. When he had to present his panel with his partner he offhandedly mentioned the line and she was like no say what that means and tried to get him to say it in front of the entire class like 3 times before saying that they had sex before they were married. Then she was like you need to be comfortable discussing these things i mean i've had sex. It was just weird.
Anyway i always have had weird teachers literally half or my middle school teachers were pervs or pedos d:
Okay like...sometimes I wonder why people go into teaching if they're just gonna act like this.
I think the thing is, most of these things can be like...argued down. Like if reported, the teacher can make excuses for most of them, unfortunately. (Even though she shouldn't).
EXCEPT the r-word. Like...there's no excuse for that? So I would try to get the person who heard it to report her. Yeah, some teachers are annoyingly strict about supplies and timing and keeping you late but using the literal r-word isn't okay no matter what. And the other things about the book and all that...that's weird. I feel like she could make excuses for it but yeah, it's uncalled for.
So yeah, I would have the friend who heard that report her. That's unacceptable.
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